1. You start off with a really solid opening of 4 or 5 resonant items, then devolve into meaningless tripe.
2. Like a "good" OK Cupid date, you manage an improbable balance of feeling formulaic and intimate at the same time - and you end up being forgettable.
3. You get the sense you're a glorified display case for GIFs of NBC sitcoms.
4. You get the sense you're a thin cover for references to 90s pop culture.
5. You get the sense you're a thin cover for references to New York City.
6. Your focus is something patently obvious, like "21 Signs You Enjoy Oxygen."
7. You have 5,000+ shares on Facebook, but no soul.
8. You have been, somehow, written by a corporation.
9. Unlike Seinfeld, you are, quite literally, about nothing.
10. Unlike nothing itself, you are sometimes about less than nothing.
11. You don't simply "target" people under 35; you pro-actively turn away those over 35.
12. You did not take more than a half hour to be compiled, and 29 of those minutes were spent on GIFs.
13. You appear to be designed with a stripped-down(!) MS Paint.
14. Half of you is not even right.
15. You have no discernable taste whatsoever.
16. You contain not a single original thought, let alone piece of content.
17. You view human beings as mindless automatons.
18. You make even the NY Post seem erudite.
19. You can't possibly be a page on an actual website.
20. You're parasitic enough to make head lice blush.
21. You should have been at least five items shorter.
